Live better and happier by aligning your life with your personal core values.
This Article…
WHAT ARE PERSONAL CORE VALUES?
Imagine this scenario –
A friend of yours would like to meet up somewhere you’ve never been before, in an unfamiliar town, hours from where you live. I think most of us would have no problem, we’d pop the address into our phone GPS app and be on our way to enjoy the day!
Now imagine – you don’t have your phone, no GPS, no map and no friend to direct you on the way. I think we can all agree that without something to direct us on the way, most of us, if not all of us, are not making it to that new destination. With every twist and turn along the road, we’d have to make decisions without having much of an idea if we were much closer or further to our destination.
Life happens to be no different.
At every twist and turn in life – we need to make decisions, some small and some major but every decision we do make impacts our lives and ultimately brings us closer or further to where we want to be. If we lack something to guide us or to direct us when making those decisions, we have trouble getting where we’d like to go.
Personal core values are that ‘something’ we need – a map; a set of guiding principles and values to help us make the decisions to lead us where we need and want to go. Instead of letting outside influences like your social circle or trending news or culture we can live a life true to ourselves, a life filled with more meaning, passion and purpose.
WHY DO WE WANT TO KNOW OUR PERSONAL CORE VALUES?
Our personal core values serve our life like a set of directions – more complicated than navigating streets with left and right but complex decisions for our lives where many factors are in play….
Our personal core values are the parts of life that bring us full and true joy, that fill us with happiness and light us up from the inside out. When we have an awareness of what those personal core values are we can start to more easily make decisions in our life that align us with our core values, ultimately leading to more happiness and fulfillment from life.
There are many things in life that I thought were supposed to be the most important to me – things like success, wealth, or status. I lead myself through life in accordance with these supposed values – making decisions like getting a high paying job with a fancy title and buying lots of nice things. I’d keep progressing with those same decisions – get that next promotion, buy a new car. It seemed each day I’d tell myself the same story that when I get the next promotion or can afford this new item I’d be happy – but I had already achieved a lot so why wasn’t I already happy? Because I was pursuing the wrong values.
The values I thought I should have weren’t the values that truly light me up from the inside out. So, I defined them, wrote them in a list where I can see them often. Now, living my life and making the right decisions for me to live a truly happy, true to me life is easy and I want that for you too.
I discovered my true personal core values,
- Authenticity
- Contentment & Tranquility
- Connection
- Creativity
- Freedom
- Nature
- Passion
- Present
- Simplicity
I can make decisions more easily to align with my personal core values so I feel more fulfilled, more purposeful, more happy with my time and my life. I don’t value hustling or being busy all of the time but I value connection, nature and simplicity. So, instead of filling my spare time with plans or endless extracurriculars where I need to be here, there and everywhere at certain times – I leave my spare time free to take walks in nature with my family instead. Knowing exactly what we value and what truly brings us joy allows us to be selective with our spare time and make more room for exactly what we enjoy.
HOW CAN WE DISCOVER AND DEFINE OUR PERSONAL CORE VALUES?
Our personal core values aren’t something we exactly choose or select. They are characteristics we can use to help describe and embody what our true selves love and need for ultimate happiness. Defining them and knowing what they are gives us the opportunity to tailor our decision making to fit those values so we can add more happiness and fulfillment to our lives.
There are many ways we can discover our personal core values, I’ve put together a step-by-step method for you to help you get started in defining the values that light you up from the inside out.
- Gather the Required Materials
- Get Yourself Into the Right Mindset
- Interview Yourself
- Consult a List of Values
- Curate Your Personal Core Values
Keep reading for the exact details of each step!
#1: Gather the Required Materials
Really, you don’t need anything to ask yourself some questions and think about what is important to you so if you don’t want to bother with needing anything go on right ahead to Step 2.
BUT, if you want to get even more out of this experience read on…
Get something to make notes – whether you turn to good ol’ pen and paper or a notes app on your phone. Choose whatever you prefer and get ready to write!
We may find it easier to be more honest with ourselves when we are required to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys?). Thinking about and examining our emotions and mental processes is hard work! It can be difficult to express and be honest with ourselves if we start confronting things about ourselves we always assumed were valid and true – change is hard!
Being able to scribble down our thoughts can open room for us to just let it all out and then we can go back and assess what we’ve written to get more honest and open answers.
The best way to answer a lot of these questions is what comes to mind immediately – your gut response. When you give yourself too much time to think you’ll likely stray from the honest answer because you’ll start considering other influences (the ‘well, I should care about this…’ or the ‘this is important to [insert anyone] so it should be important to me’) – this is an exercise for you! Another benefit of the ‘let’s write’ technique – quickly scribble down what comes to mind immediately then review.
#2: Get Yourself Into the Right Mindset!
Get yourself ready. Get yourself in the mood to be honest and introspective. Brew a comforting warm drink, get your comfy clothes on, have your favourite meal, go for a walk, workout, take a bath, sit in nature. Do whatever little self care activity brings you happiness and joy – what you choose as your “getting ready to be happy” activity will likely be part of your personal core values!
For example, one of my personal core values is nature – I love spending time sitting in the grass staring at the sky or admiring the sights and smells of the wildflowers blowing in the breeze. I know this is an important value of mine because when I’m feeling down I’ll always look to an outdoor breath of fresh air to boost my mood. Nature lights me up and makes me feel joyful!
#3: Interview Yourself
Use the question prompts below to help you define your personal core values – your compass through life. A set of directions to help you make decisions to be the best you that you can be in the life that is true to you!
As you answer the questions – be as honest as possible. You only stand to benefit from honesty – you can start to carve out a life for yourself that fits exactly with your core values so you can live happier and be more fulfilled. Personal growth is a personal journey – we can’t make progress and develop if we don’t honestly assess where we are in life and where we want to be.
- When do you feel happiest or most like yourself? What memory or moment can you remember where you were lit up from the inside out? Define the memory with as many details as you can remember.
- Who inspires you? Why do they inspire you? What characteristics do they have that you admire?
- What inspires you? Is there an activity you do that fills you with joy?
- What would you want your obituary to say? This one I borrowed from Brooke McAlary, author of “Slow: Simply Living for a Frantic World” and as she puts it, it may be a little dark but it is a powerful thought provoking question. What do you want to leave behind when you’re gone? What do you want your legacy to be? The answer to this question can help you define what you value in life so you can put your limited time towards achieving the legacy you envision!
#4: Consult a List of Values
Some of you may not need this step. You may be able to easily pick out your main personal core values based on your answers from your interview with yourself which is great!
I find a consult with a long list of values can help (if you’d like to see a list, might I suggest this link, a list of personal core values here at simply ever after).
I suggest this with the extra warning of BE HONEST. I found this tip helpful when defining my core values to give myself a break from trying to come up with things myself. Sometimes its nice to be able to look at a list and see what sparks some happiness.
But, make sure you’re being honest.
When we choose from a large list, we’re more likely to select what we think we should or to choose what we think others would value for us instead of focusing on what we truly value and what makes us truly happy.
To help you avoid outside influences when you’re choosing from a list. Perform the following.
- Vividly imagine your happiest memory. A memory in which you were truly 100% happy, a memory where you were radiating joy. Imagine it even more vividly, where were you? Who were you with? What was the weather like? The smells? Every detail you can remember.
- Now review the list with this memory in mind – if the value or characteristic fits the memory jot it down, if it doesn’t ignore it and move to the next value on the list. If you’re feeling unsure you can always create a ‘maybe’ list and review it afterwards.
- Now choose another memory! And repeat your review of the list.
- Review the your ‘maybe’ list, get rid of anything that feels like it doesn’t fit and keep what does.
#5: Curate Your Personal Core Values
Between all that you have reflected upon you should have some nice notes on what makes you happy – the things that bring you the most joy. Try to narrow down all that you’ve written up into a Top 5 Personal Core Values (feel free to go beyond if you need but try to keep it somewhat concise so you have a specific vision for your ‘life’s compass’, you’ll notice my list was quite long…).
Perhaps, you’ve found that all of your happiest memories are with family and friends – you value connection and relationships. Or maybe, you love the hustle and putting in every ounce of passion into achieving your goals – you value passion and accomplishment. Or even, you love traveling, being somewhere you don’t know, discovering new places and people to be with – you value discovery and curiosity. Whatever your personal core values are – they are yours and yours alone! And now that you know what they are you can put them to good use!
HOW DO WE LIVE TRUE TO OUR PERSONAL CORE VALUES?
Whenever you make decisions in life – no matter how big or small: Should I take that promotion? What would I like to do tonight? You can put your personal core values into action. Think about what decisions would align with your personal core values – let them guide you to a simply happy life tailored exactly for you.
I hope you’ve been able to define your personal core values and can think of them often day to day in order to align your living with your values. I hope this helps you on your path to get the most fulfillment, passion and ultimately, happiness out of life!
And they all lived simply ever after…
